On This Day Last Year, I Tried to Kill Myself

I can’t help but look back and wish that I had seen that Metanoia website earlier in my life, that I had access to counselors or therapists that I could trust, that I lived in a world where medication wasn’t stigmatized, that I understood the myths I had about suicide were just that: myths. I wonder if I would be further along in my journey if I started sooner.

Marvin Bell, 1937-2020

I write this in fits and starts, just adding things about Marvin as they come to mind, moving up and down the page. It’s strange to look at websites make the necessary update, the cementation that he is, in fact, gone. It’s a strange addition to the grieving process. A friend of mine who was in my first workshop with Marvin had said upon hearing the news of his passing, “I thought he’d live to 101.” I thought so too.